Guess what?!

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG !!!!!!

Needing a little strength...

Today is cd28/28... I'm having a hard time thinking about much else. I have a lot of good symptoms, but I'm never sure if they're real... or just my body telling me what I want to hear. The bloody nose is there (got that both times I was pg,) the bbs on fire, no pre-period breakout... I dunno. I'm trying really hard not to get my hopes up. So I've immersed myself in books, reading well over 2,000 pages this week alone.

Okay, enough obsessing... time to go to work!

crazy bad week

This week has been total crap. I had three INSANE customers. Totally insane. One lady was threatening to call the ASPCA on me because I was "hurting" some little bichon by combing its hair. One guy said I was "totally unreasonable" for expecting him to tell me what kin of haircut he wanted for his golden (this conversation went on for over an hour.) Another lady said I "ruined the beauty of the bichon" by doing EXACTLY what she asked for. Ugh.

But I did have a good session this week. This week she really focused on the need to fully grieve my two losses. She wants me to take this week to just be sad and grieve these loses, and then hopefully I will be able to make room in my heart for a new baby. I don't know how much I buy into the theory that I can't get pregnant because I haven't fully grieved my previous losses... but it's worth a try. I guess at this point I will try just about anything.

Confused

So my cycle is totally weird since my mc. So I made an appointment with my doc to talk about it, because I figure it doesn't help with getting pg. I'm afraid she's going to want to put me on bc to regulate my cycle. On one hand, that idea sound horrific to me right now. But James thinks it'd be good to take a break anyway. I dunno. I guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Ugh. My life just needs to straighten itself out right now.

Lovely

AF came back to finnish the job. Yay me.

???

What the eff is up with my cycle? Only two days of very light AF, and she's gone?? Not that I want her back, just wondering why she's being nice after hammering me last month.

2nd session, better than the first

Last night's session went so well. She really helped me to prioritize my life, and figure out what's truly important. I'm going to be making some big changes, and I'm setting deadlines for those changes. So anywho, I feel good. I feel like I'm in control of SOMETHING. I need that.

I also sat down with my mom last night and told her what's going on. At first, she just told me to stop trying, because she knew someone who adopted and THEN got pregnant. So once I explained to her that while stress indeed my FACTOR into fertility issues, infertility is a medical condition, not a mental thing. (You wouldn't think I'd need to explain that to a nurse, right?!) And that I was stressed and depressed because of infertility, not vise-versa. She also started off on the "you're too young to be infertile" path. Like, yeah, it really discriminates based on age, you know. Sigh. But I feel like she gets the gist of it, now.

Next month I'm back to the doctor to start testing. We'll see how that goes.