I've been wanting to sit down and talk to someone about how infertility has changed my life for a while now. NIAW seemed like a good time to do that. I'm among friends here, right? No judgement zone? Okay, here goes.
I started to suspect that something might be... different... when after nearly 6 years of preventing (not always very well) we never had any "close calls." In October 2007 we started trying for real. At first we were so excited. We'd spend hours picking out names, designing our dream nursery, discussing who'd stay home with the baby, etc. In February 2008 we got that beautiful pink line. From the start, it didn't feel right. A week and a half later, I had a miscarriage. It was painful and devastating. I never went to the doctor, it was over so quickly. We took 2 months off trying after that, then we went back to it. We were unsuccessful until December 2008. This time it was a blighted ovum. I got a D&C at 11 weeks. Now here we are, April 2009 and still no baby. No pregnancy, either.
So, we're at 18 months of trying w/o a viable pregnancy. If one year makes you infertile, does 1.5 years make you infertile and a half??
I'm trying like heck not to obsess over my cycle anymore. Today is cd15, and I most certainly felt ovulation. We covered our bases, and will probably give it another shot tomorrow. If this month doesn't produce the intended results, I'm going back to the doctor to start getting some testing done.
The road ahead will be long and painful. We don't really have a plan of how far we will go. I guess we will just cross each bridge as we come to it... if we can afford it!
Monday, April 27, 2009
Today is kind of a down day. I've been thinking alot about IF and how we've been TTC for for 18 months now. It's really depressing. It just seems so... not fair! Like... what did I do wrong? I see all of these horrid people who have no problems, and here I am. Where will we find the money for IF treatments? Why didn't I start trying in high school?!
Saturday, April 25, 2009
So today was a bad day. I had a dog booked named Pepper. He was an Aussie/Berner/Chow mix. There were some notes on his card about him being bad for his last groom. He's an outdoor dog, and he only gets groomed once a year. When I tried to take the dog back, the owners tried to come with me. I explained to them that Petco's P&P's clearly state that owners are not permitted in the salon. We have full length windows that they are welcome to watch thru, but they can't help. The owner then said "well, I'd better not get a call in an hour saying you can't groom him!" (This sure sounds promising, eh?) My bather took the dog back to the kennel. Suddenly I hear screamiong, so I come running back. The dog is in the kennel, but she can't shut the door, because every time she reaches towards the door, the dog lunges at her.(Oh, why didn't I just send the dog home now??) So then we tried to groom him... the dog broke the restraints and ended up pinning me against the wall with it's teeth at my throat. (Okay, I'm sending him home now.) So I call my GM in, and she says "you can't send the dog home! You have to finish grooming him!" (This is why I hate working for someone who's not a groomer!) So I told her "my clippers are on my desk, have fun!" Seriously, she wanted me to risk my face to get this dog groomed?! What a B.